My Ceremony

Inspired by the Japanese ritual

As a Mother of one and pregnant with my second child I was deeply saddened by a miscarriage. Here is the ceremony I conducted for my Mizuko at home with my family.

It took me some time to locate a Mizuko Jizo figure because the tradition of Mizuko Kuyo is not well known outside of Japan. However once I knew more about the ritual I felt strongly that I would like to conduct a ceremony and have a small, beautiful, meaningful Mizuko Jizo as something tangible to represent my loss. My sister-in-law eventually found one for me and I was incredibly grateful to her for understanding its meaning to me at that time.

I collected some little items that reminded me of my Mizuko. The pregnancy stick – it seems crass but when you have so little to hold on to – it’s enough – it symbolised the life and joy we felt when we found out we were expecting. A small ‘bunny rug’ that I had already set aside for the baby I was expecting. A picture of myself, my husband and my daughter. I placed these items in a small wooden box along with a hand written note with this simple message,

“To my dear little Mizuko,
You were loved and wanted. You will always be part of our family. We release you to live again elsewhere. Love from Mum and Dad.”

Together with my Husband and my daughter we chose a calm and pretty part of our garden and gathered to say a few words. My Husband said how he felt about the baby we had hoped for and I said a prayer - just a simple prayer that felt right for me. I am not particularly religious but I feel that like many people I am spiritual and to say a prayer has meaning for me.

We placed the wooden box in the earth and covered it with soil. Then we placed our Jizo on the soil to watch over our Mizuko. We took our time and I was sad, my Husband was sad and I even felt my daughter at the age of two appreciated the solemness of her parents and the ceremony. I think it is important to teach our children about times of grief so they can see how it is part of life and how to heal through it.

It was as simple as that. From that point on I felt a sense of acknowledgement of the life I had been carrying. I felt that it was OK to grieve and I felt the healing journey begin.

The Mizuko Jizo figure is in our garden in a private place today. It has aged nicely and to me shows the passing of time. It is a special figure for me and I enjoy seeing it in the garden. I thought I might make a red bib or a hat for it as they do in Japan but I haven’t – it didn’t feel necessary to me. I did light a candle for our Mizuko at the Hase Kannon temple in Kamakura, Japan and that was a special moment. Today we are blessed to have two daughters in our life. Our Mizuko is still part of our experience and part of our family.